Emotional Abused Children

Emotional Abused Children    Saturday 21st January 2012
I have been asked to write from the experiences that I have had through the Self Help Group Grandparents Apart Wales and I am humbled that I should be asked when there are so many people more qualified than I to write on such issues.
When parents separate it should be clear to everybody involved such as the Social Services and the Courts that where there is conflict and argument between the parents the children of these parents are in great danger, both of mental and physical abuse and that they will receive this abuse from the resident parent who thinks that the children can be used as a pawn in an unnecessary game for control.
The children involved in their parent’s feuds adjust themselves to their situation and this is universally recognised and accepted by the professionals in Children’s Agencies but what is not investigated is the infinite damage that their situation is causing them mentally.
I could write about the love and affection they have lost as they are forced to listen to one side of the argument from the resident parent whether they want to or not but what I would rather dwell on is the health issue of the children.
How a child recovers from years of emotional abuse comes to the fore when they are removed from the resident parent who has inflicted this abuse whether consciously or not and this does in my experience need addressing,
The child removed from a place of abuse has to reconnect and adjust to a safe stable and secure environment which in many cases they will need time to understand and when the children are assessed for beneficial therapy, it does not totally heal the confusion which rages at times in the child’s mind as the child reacts to therapist and is skilled in doing so.
The child’s intelligence in many cases has been held back and underdeveloped creating many dark places hindering the child’s keenness to learn or to think age appropriately. Some children themselves can be extremely exasperating even when their environment is safe so long as they spar with the demons their previous situation brings to their mind.
There is clear indication that the child recognises fear and punishment as a fact of life and does not know how to appreciate and react to love and affection, consequently the child will at times push the boundaries of its limitations as far as they will go in an effort to break the control of the new carers.
Some children will self harm while others will cause alarm by other means such as screaming defiant disobedience where they will just not do anything such as wash, go to bed or school etc.
I could go on but it is time for me to suggest how we address this situation and I have to say that we must or society itself is in danger of crumbling as these countless children reach maturity.                                                
We can start with education in our schools and at home about family values and how they benefit children and I don’t mean pay lip service to it. I mean realistic family values where the whole family is involved in caring for one another and it is only when the courts and politicians extend their vision and accept that all citizens of this great nation should be treated equally that we will go some way to avoiding parody.
Children Services and the Courts state that children’s interests are paramount and I wrote on face book this week asking why should that be, as surly all human life should be equal and their interests and rights protected. If Grand/parents and children had the same rights then perhaps we will have gone some way in eradicating the Emotional Abuse that some of our children suffer when their parents separate.
It is advised that when leaving this world one should have a contract saying what one wishes after death then surly one should have such a contract drawn up of their wishes before they are born when their life is all before them.
That would be the responsibility of the parents and I am sure such contracts would add to the security of the child and all the family would have an interest in it.

I of course take notice of any comments that you make and I do thank you for your support.

Best wishes

Frank